Is it just me? Do I have a virus? Is it my ISP? Is it Anonymous? Have they hacked the entire internet? Ok…calm down…take a deep breath.

My clients. Geeze. They’ll think I’m ignoring them. I hope there’s nothing important somebody wants me to do. It’s always something! This always happens to me! It’s only been 15 minutes…don’t panic.

Ok, it’s an hour now. I’m calling them.
“Hi, uhh…my internet is down…and uh…”
“Yes, we know. We have an outage in your community and we’re working on it now. I don’t know how long it will be.”
“Ok, so I guess I’ll just wait then.”
“Thank you sir”…bye.

Well, I’m sure that helped speed things up. I pay them good money every month for a service they promise to provide. I’m sure my call has helped move up the priority of fixing this outage.

It’s been 4 hours now! All I’ve been doing is playing with the dog walking around outside, then with the cat. I’m running a business here for god sake. Don’t they realize I’m losing money every hour I’m down? I’m calling them again. It’s been long enough…someone needs to step up and do something.

“Hello? Uh…my internet is…”
“Are you in the Stoneybrook community?”
“Yes”
“We still have an outage and we’re working on it. We don’t know how long it will take. We apologize for the inconvenience”
“Uh…ok. Uh…do you know what happened? Did someone run over the box with their car or something?”
“Hmmm…let me check. No, we don’t seem to have a reason listed yet. But, we’re working on it now and we hope it will be completed soon.”
“Ok…so I guess I’ll just wait then.”
“Thank you sir”…bye.

I think that went well. She could hear that I meant business. Surely the guys working on the box have kicked into high gear now.

Hmmm…maybe I should drive around the neighborhood and look for the box they are working on. Maybe I can help motivate them to get the job done faster. What’s in that box anyway? It’s just a bunch of wires right? How hard could that be?

I went for a long bike ride thru the neighborhood. It’s really a beautiful day outside. Really nice. It didn’t seem like 2 hours. There were a lot of people outside. Some jogging…some walking…some on bikes like me. A few dog walkers too. They really take great care of the properties around here. Lots of flowers and beautiful landscaping. I’m so lucky to live in this neighborhood.

Four hours? FOUR HOURS!!! What the hell? I’m losing money! This is ridiculous! I’ll bet my clients are already looking for my replacement. They’ll never believe me when I tell them my internet was down. They’ll say, “Yea, right!”

Time for some lunch. I think I’ll make a grilled cheese sandwich with the homemade olive bread. Yum! Because the internet is down, I have to watch TV while eating and wound up watching the end of a good violent movie with Matt Damon. He’s pretty cool. What am I gonna do now?

There were lots of golfers on the course today. Hmmm… It is nice outside. Why not. I’m going across the street and play the 5th hole a few times. The front nine is empty by this time. Nothing else to do. Damn internet is down.

Wow, what a great day to be on the golf course. Hey, there’s a few more people with the same idea. A cute couple carrying a single golf club and hitting only 1 ball. How cool is that?

Ok, I’ll hit nine balls off the tee. That’ll equate to playing nine holes. Awesome. Nine holes of free golf. That’ll help make up for my lost wages. Damn internet.

That was a blast. I hit some really great shots. I wish someone was there to see some of them. I should do that every night. Just think of how much better I would be. I might even be able to compete and be a hustler and take old guys for their money. That would be cool. It would also help with the lost wages from the damn internet being down.

Ok…so I pay them $50 a month. That works out to be about 7 cents an hour. So far, I’m gonna deduct 70 cents from my bill. That’s what I’m gonna do. If we all do that, they will realize how important we are and they can’t mess with us. We have the power to do it! Power to the people! Ok, calm down. Deep breath.

Seven hours now. I’m getting hungry again. My girlfriend will be home soon. I think I’ll cook something. Hmm…what’s in the fridge? I think I can whip up something. Some pasta with a little of this…a little of that. Oh yea…we’re eating good tonight!

“Hi honey! Lets eat! How was your day?”
“It was pretty good.”
“Can you believe the internet has been down since this morning?”
“So, what did you do all day?”
“Well, I played with the dog and the cat and went for a bike ride and then played 9 balls on the fifth hole across the street.”
“Cool! That sounds awesome!”
“Yea, it was kinda fun. There were lots of people outside. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was nice to be outside all day. Can you believe the internet has been down all day?”
“Yea, that sucks.”
“Sure does.”

After dinner we sat on the couch together and talked about this and that. It was kinda chilly so we cuddled and talked about this and that. We got kinda silly. A little tickling. A little giggling. Nothing else to do.

“So, what are you gonna do tonight?”, she says.
“I don’t know. The damn internet is down. Maybe I’ll go to a nightclub and party with the 20 somethings!”
“I’m sure they will love you dressed like that. Women love sweat pants.”
“Yea…maybe I’ll play my piano or something. Have a few beers.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“Yea, I guess so.”
“Well, I’m off to bed. Gotta be up early tomorrow. Have fun playing music tonight!”
“Thanks my love. I think I will. There’s nothing else to do. The damn internet is down.”
“Yea, that sucks.”
“Sure does.”

It’s been almost 12 hours now. Did they need two shifts to complete the job of moving around the wires in the box? How hard could that be?

So, my day amounts to this. I played with the dog and the cat, took a walk around the neighborhood, rode my bike for a few hours, made an awesome lunch, played nine holes of golf, cooked a great dinner, played my piano and guitar and sang my butt off to some of my favorite oldies but goodies. Now what? I wonder what the kids are doing. I think I’ll text them. At least that works!

Ok, well they don’t really want to talk to me. It’s Friday night for god sake. Now they’re all laughing at me being home with nothing to do. Geeze. Now their friends will think I’m a helpless old guy. Great. I used to be popular too you know. I’ve done a lot of things in my life you know. We had parties like you wouldn’t believe. It was crazy man! Boy do I have a lot of stories…before the damn internet.

But, I have responsibilities now…rent to pay…food…insurance…car…utilities…internet service!

I have clients that count on me. I don’t have the time to be screwing around. I’m needed. I’m important. And, the kids won’t make it without me. I have so much more to teach them. They better be paying attention too.

Oh wait. My step daughter just sent me a text. It says, “LOL lovely way to spend your day”. Hmm…maybe she’s paying attention more than I think.

Maybe today wasn’t so bad after all…damn internet.